Being thrust into the public eye may seem like a blessing, but those who have lived it know it can also be a curse. We asked celebrities to describe the worst parts of being famous, and here is what they said.
“People used to say, ‘Aren’t you Kirk Douglas’ son?’ Then they started saying, ‘Aren’t you Michael Douglas, Kirk Douglas’ son?’”
“Everyone relentlessly follows you around with cameras and won’t leave you alone. And they yell the most horrible things at you like, ‘Hey, Ben, we’re not done shooting this scene!’”
“Crabs are magnetized to my body. If I go to the beach, thousands of crabs come flying out of the water and become forcefully attached to my skin and hair and bones.”
“Suddenly, everyone gave me whatever I wanted because I was famous instead of just doing that because I was handsome.”
“Wielding the power to ruin any goddamn marriage I want to.”
“Because of the Fast and Furious movies, everyone seems to think that I know how to fix their cars. They keep getting their busted cars towed to my house and tell me to fix them. I can’t. I don’t know how to do that, and I’m very busy.”
“After a while, you don’t notice the rattling pack of skeletons that follow you anymore.”
“I can’t even leave my house without being mobbed by credit card companies that want me as their brand ambassador.”
“Objectively speaking, drinking all that adrenochrome we harvest from kids.”
“It’s bizarre. The more money you make, the more free stuff you get. There are literally entire buildings in L.A. where celebrities can borrow any book they’re interested in reading.”
“I don’t know if I’m immune to the venom, but ever since American Idol, bees and scorpions both refuse to sting me anymore.”
“All the hot 15-year-old boys I dream about asking me to prom actually do.”
“I occasionally get offered large sums of money to let a camera record me pretending to be someone I’m not. It’s so fucking strange.”
“I will probably never get used to being recognized while out on stage during a concert.”
“Hold on, let me get all this money out of the way. Say again?”
“How I’m actually Daniel Radcliffe.”
“I’m still getting used to fans complimenting me! Just the other day a girl came up to me after a show and told me how much she appreciates my work and how badly she wants my life and that someday she will have it, she will, and she will wear my skin like a cape. It was...humbling.”
“I get to sing happy birthday for any kid celebrating at Chuck E. Cheese and traumatize them for life.”
“I have been punched seven times after explaining that I am not actually a talking dog but just voice one on a television show.”
“The level of media scrutiny for past misdeeds is just off the charts.”
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July 27, 2021 at 12:15AM
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Celebrities Describe The Worst Parts Of Being Famous - The Onion
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