He's going from mad man to married man. Jon Hamm is engaged to Anna Osceola, whom he met on the set of Mad Men in 2015, after two years together, People reports. Osceola (very briefly) played a receptionist at the spiritual retreat that Hamm's character, Don Draper, goes to in the series finale of Mad Men, so one of his last scenes in the show was with her. The 34-year-old was also in Hamm's 2022 comedy Confess, Fletch, and they made their red carpet debut last March. Hamm, 51, has never been married, though he was with Jennifer Westfeldt for 18 years until they split in 2015. But the actor told Howard Stern last year that he was open to marriage and kids and is "very much" in love. When it comes to discussing romance, Hamm doesn't shy away from a little cheese.
I wanted to run. I wanted to feign illness and get my mom to drive me home. I wanted to be anywhere but at church that day.
It was the Sunday before my grandpa’s funeral, and our family was reeling from the sudden, tragic loss. In my emotionally fragile state, I decided to hide in the bathroom for a while before facing the world (the church world, that is).
While I was out of view, two ladies walked in, talking about the events surrounding my grandfather’s death. I stayed where I was, knowing if I walked out, I’d only make the situation more awkward. I heard them wrapping up their conversation, and as I laid my hand cautiously on the door of the stall to open it and slip out, an unkind comment about my grandmother shot a dagger through my heart.
Their shoes clacked heavily on the tile floor as they left. And I crumpled to the ground, broken under the weight of everything that had happened. I got through church that day, but the pain of those words has stuck with me.
Wounded by Gossip
The pain of those words has stuck with me.
If we can’t trust the church, who can we trust? I’ve pondered this question many times since that day. Bitterness, coupled with pain, began to rise in my heart. People who were supposed to stand by me and support me, who were supposed to have my back when things got tough . . . didn’t.
Some church this was. These people claimed to be followers of Jesus. Yet when a family was in a vulnerable position, they gossiped about them?
No, thank you.
The day of the funeral came. I hoped it’d be over quickly so I could be with my family—and away from this church. I heard the same platitudes over and over:
“We’re sorry.”
“God has a plan.”
“He’s not in pain anymore.”
“He’s in a better place.”
But none of that could plug the gaping hole in my heart as I tried to process my loss.
Served with Love
After a funeral, my church provides a meal for everyone, and one of the sides is cheesy potatoes. They’re absolutely heavenly. While I was getting my potatoes that day, one of the ladies cooking looked at me and said, “Just want you to know we are praying for you—and love you.”
Wait. She loved me? She was praying for me?
I was struck by her words because I could feel how genuine she was. I didn’t expect the cheesy potatoes to taste so good that day—something about them, paired with the warmth and love in this woman’s kind words, encouraged me. I started to see love and care from other people too. Friends wrote cards to me. Many people prayed for me. Still others brought food to our house. We ate a lot of cheesy potatoes. And the bitterness I’d harbored faded as I opened my heart to the love being shown to me.
Going Back with Hope
So instead of running away from this church where I was deeply hurt in my time of deepest need, I keep going back. I clear my Sundays and Wednesday evenings, attend VBS, and go to potlucks. All the reasons not to go are overcome by the love of my brothers and sisters in Christ. People still mess up. People still betray trust. People are still people. Churches aren’t perfect; it’s true.
But my imperfect church means the world to me.
My imperfect church means the world to me.
They show me the love of Christ, weep with me in the hard times, and rejoice with me in the good times. Seeing Jesus in and through others, like that lady in the funeral serving line, gives me hope and courage to continue to love broken people, to build up the body, to glorify God by not forsaking the assembly of the saints. That’s why I keep showing up to my local church—and eating more cheesy potatoes.
Andrea Teubel is a college student and a writer. She likes to be with family in her free time and is a member of Gridley Apostolic Christian Church.
So we're still doing this thing? Angela Bassett told Variety she reached out to Ariana DeBose after the West Side Story star was widely mocked for a rap she performed at the BAFTAs, which included the meme-worthy line "Angela Bassett did the thing." Bassett said she DM'd DeBose to "make sure she was okay," and "she is A-Okay." Later, the Black Panther star referenced the meme after winning an NAACP Image award, quipping, "I guess Angela Bassett did the thing!" DeBose also joked about it at the SAG Awards, telling fellow presenter Diego Luna to "do the thing," and on BBC Radio 2, she warned she may perform the rap at a concert soon "because you know you want to hear it again." Meanwhile, Jamie Lee Curtis, who was name-dropped in the rap, told Deadline it was "hot" and "spicy" and everyone making fun of it "should shut the f--k up." So in this case, Jamie Lee may not be all of us.
There is more talk of Mo Salah leaving Liverpool, who could be willing to chuck another big name in a deal to bring AC Milan striker Rafael Leao to Anfield…
LIVERPOOL TO OFFER BIG NAME IN SWAP FOR MILAN STAR
There is more talk on Monday morning that Liverpool and Mo Salah could part ways in the summer. On Sunday, it was suggested that Liverpool are keen to cash in on the Egyptian with just the 175 goals for the club…
Now it is claimed by Fichajes that Salah would be happy to go, especially if there is no Champions League football to stick around for next season. Which seems unlikely if Liverpool continue in the kind of form that saw them stink out Selhurst Park on Saturday night.
It was suggested that PSG could offer Salah an escape route from Anfield – even if The Times says they are looking to cut their wage bill by almost a third – but Calciomercato reckons the Parisians will instead go up against Liverpool in the battle to sign Rafael Leao.
Leao is resisting AC Milan’s efforts to pin him down to a renewal on his contract which is currently scheduled to expire next year. Milan are almost certain to sell rather than let the Portugal forward enter the final 12 months of his deal but this particular report says Liverpool would heighten the temptation by throwing Luis Diaz in as part of the deal. Which seems…unlikely.
ARSENAL TO GO AGAIN FOR PAQUETA
As if taking Declan Rice off West Ham wasn’t bad enough, now it is claimed that Arsenal are also sniffing around another Hammers talisman.
According to Fichajes, the Gunners are considering a summer move for Lucas Paqueta. Arsenal were heavily linked with the Brazilian when he was looking to leave Lyon at the end of last season, with Edu saying this about the midfielder: “I’m a guy who likes him a lot. I’ve always liked him since my time with Brazil’s national team.”
Arsenal didn’t like him enough to pay £34million when they had the chance and they will have to cough up almost double that amount in the summer, especially if they want to beat Newcastle to the 25-year-old, who cost West Ham around £50million when he became their record signing.
GUNNERS, UNITED VIE FOR VEIGA
Reports of Arsenal’s interest in Gabri Veiga seem more credible than any likelihood they will renew their interest in Paqueta. But they aren’t the only club keen on the Celta Vigo midfielder.
AS suggests Manchester United are also considering a move for the 20-year-old, who could fetch around £26million in the summer.
Veiga scored twice and laid on the other in Celta Vigo’s 3-0 win over Real Valladolid on Sunday, taking his tally for the season to eight goals and three assists.
The NHL trade deadline is right around the corner, and the Philadelphia Flyers are expected (!) to make a move or two by the time the clock strikes 3:00 p.m. ET on March 3.
Rumors are swirling this time of year, so we’ve compiled all of the juiciest Flyers rumors right here for your viewing pleasure.
Follow along ahead of the trade deadline for the latest developments.
Flyers intend to trade James van Riemsdyk
It’s one of the worst kept secrets ahead of the trade deadline. James van Riemsdyk being moved is almost a certainty at this point as he plays out the final year of his contract.
According to Sportsnet’s Jeff Marek, the Flyers are actively planning on moving the veteran winger, listing the Vegas Golden Knights, Minnesota Wild and Dallas Stars as potential trade partners.
James van Riemsdyk has amassed 297 goals and 585 points in 919 career games. He’s also crossed the 20-goal marker seven times in his 14-year career.
Joel Farabee apparently hasn’t been having a great time this season. Pretty hard to blame him, honestly.
The 22-year-old has been struggling mightily lately, which isn’t totally shocking given the fact that he missed pretty much all of training camp recovering from disc replacement surgery. Farabee appeared to have a bright future with the Flyers just a couple years ago — and he still might! But he’s reportedly not untouchable now after basically being benched by John Tortorella against the Calgary Flames on February 20.
Will the Flyers actually trade Farabee? Probably not. He’s a talented young player, and the Flyers badly need as many of those as possible. Still, it’s something to monitor.
Several Flyers players seem like logical candidates to be moved at the trade deadline. James van Riemsdyk, Nick Seeler, Justin Braun and even Patrick Brown could be on the move. But where are the best fits for them?
The possibilities are endless, but we did our best to make some educated guesses.
I wanted to run. I wanted to feign illness and get my mom to drive me home. I wanted to be anywhere but at church that day.
It was the Sunday before my grandpa’s funeral, and our family was reeling from the sudden, tragic loss. In my emotionally fragile state, I decided to hide in the bathroom for a while before facing the world (the church world, that is).
While I was out of view, two ladies walked in, talking about the events surrounding my grandfather’s death. I stayed where I was, knowing if I walked out, I’d only make the situation more awkward. I heard them wrapping up their conversation, and as I laid my hand cautiously on the door of the stall to open it and slip out, an unkind comment about my grandmother shot a dagger through my heart.
Their shoes clacked heavily on the tile floor as they left. And I crumpled to the ground, broken under the weight of everything that had happened. I got through church that day, but the pain of those words has stuck with me.
Wounded by Gossip
The pain of those words has stuck with me.
If we can’t trust the church, who can we trust? I’ve pondered this question many times since that day. Bitterness, coupled with pain, began to rise in my heart. People who were supposed to stand by me and support me, who were supposed to have my back when things got tough . . . didn’t.
Some church this was. These people claimed to be followers of Jesus. Yet when a family was in a vulnerable position, they gossiped about them?
No, thank you.
The day of the funeral came. I hoped it’d be over quickly so I could be with my family—and away from this church. I heard the same platitudes over and over:
“We’re sorry.”
“God has a plan.”
“He’s not in pain anymore.”
“He’s in a better place.”
But none of that could plug the gaping hole in my heart as I tried to process my loss.
Served with Love
After a funeral, my church provides a meal for everyone, and one of the sides is cheesy potatoes. They’re absolutely heavenly. While I was getting my potatoes that day, one of the ladies cooking looked at me and said, “Just want you to know we are praying for you—and love you.”
Wait. She loved me? She was praying for me?
I was struck by her words because I could feel how genuine she was. I didn’t expect the cheesy potatoes to taste so good that day—something about them, paired with the warmth and love in this woman’s kind words, encouraged me. I started to see love and care from other people too. Friends wrote cards to me. Many people prayed for me. Still others brought food to our house. We ate a lot of cheesy potatoes. And the bitterness I’d harbored faded as I opened my heart to the love being shown to me.
Going Back with Hope
So instead of running away from this church where I was deeply hurt in my time of deepest need, I keep going back. I clear my Sundays and Wednesday evenings, attend VBS, and go to potlucks. All the reasons not to go are overcome by the love of my brothers and sisters in Christ. People still mess up. People still betray trust. People are still people. Churches aren’t perfect; it’s true.
But my imperfect church means the world to me.
My imperfect church means the world to me.
They show me the love of Christ, weep with me in the hard times, and rejoice with me in the good times. Seeing Jesus in and through others, like that lady in the funeral serving line, gives me hope and courage to continue to love broken people, to build up the body, to glorify God by not forsaking the assembly of the saints. That’s why I keep showing up to my local church—and eating more cheesy potatoes.
Andrea Teubel is a college student and a writer. She likes to be with family in her free time and is a member of Gridley Apostolic Christian Church.
Fleetwood Town manager Scott Brown says he made the right decision to leave Aberdeen soon after the arrival of Jim Goodwin as team boss as he had only signed on at Pittodrie to help predecessor Stephen Glass and had failed in his bid to succeed the Irishman as St Mirren boss. (Sunday Mail)
Former Sheffield United manager Chris Wilder, who has been linked with Aberdeen's vacancy, was in attendance as Lowland League leaders Spartans defeated East Stirlingshire 3-1 win on Saturday. (Sunday Mail)
Aberdeen chairman Dave Cormack, who has undergone open heart surgery in United States was told that his side had beaten Livingston on Saturday while in his hospital bed and was wearing a Dons scarf when he heard the news. (Scottish Sun On Sunday)
‘This is the true story of Hollywood. The most cruel, most despicable town in the world.’ That’s the opinion of Ridgeway Callow, who worked as assistant director on dozens of Hollywood films and TV programmes, writer and production manager on others. He’s not a household name, but his industry experience earned him an invite to the American Film Institute to deliver a Harold Lloyd Master Seminar about his experiences working in the world’s biggest dream factory. The seminars began in 1969, and everyone from movie stars to assistant directors was asked to hold forth on their Hollywood memories. Hollywood: The Oral History uses the transcripts of these seminars to create what the editors claim is ‘the only comprehensive firsthand history of Hollywood … the true story of Hollywood, told not by outsiders, academics, historians, revisionists, or fantasists prone to legend, but by those who are singularly qualified to understand it, the filmmakers themselves’.
We’ll return to the limitations of that claim. However, notwithstanding the considerable overlap between the categories of fantasist and filmmaker, this is a remarkable book and an estimable achievement. The reliability and accuracy of the testimony collated here may be debatable, but it is presented without mediation. The editors, film historians Jeanine Basinger and Sam Wasson, interject occasionally to provide context, and the odd date, in between memories, but their interpolations are minimal. There are no footnotes or index either. This is a book of yarns, spun together into one century-long skein of movie lore. And these testimonies are not just unfettered but underlined. The invitees are playing to the gallery, delivering their best anecdotes and recalling old grudges. These are stories that the filmmakers are dying to tell, told to an audience that is all ears. The effect is less like being a fly on the wall of a soundstage and more like being a fly on the wall at a rowdy Hollywood wrap party, as the industry’s great and good put the world to rights over a martini. Which is to say, it’s addictively anecdotal and superlatively readable. You’ll see Quentin Tarantino expressing a fond wish to have worked with Bette Davis. It never happened, but they are both quoted in this book, which gleefully merges generations of Hollywood personnel into one gossipy group.
The testimonies are not separated. Excerpts from filmmakers’ memories are printed next to those from their peers, gathered under thematic headings. So for one animated chapter you’ll read insiders recalling the turbulence caused by the coming of sound (‘there was a streak of absolute panic’, says George Cukor), or the youthquake of New Hollywood in the early 1970s, from the rising importance of critics (in Billy Wilder’s opinion, because ‘today’s business doesn’t know what it’s doing. They need somebody to tell them’), to the amount of marijuana smoked in the editing suite. Other chapters break down the mechanics of the movie business, from the responsibilities of each trade on set, to bigger concepts such as ‘The Deal’, which rapidly becomes a chorus of agreement with Ridgeway Callow’s brutal assessment of the business. As George Lucas puts it: ‘When you make a film, you’re dealing with the largest group of psychotic, neurotic, difficult people you could ever imagine.’
Easy for him to say, you might think, having made a fortune at the helm of blockbuster franchises including Star Wars and Indiana Jones. Would he have been so honest back in the early 1970s, with one flop film under his belt, scratching around to make American Graffiti and sketching together the idea for a ‘space opera’? Almost certainly not. In more serious ways, though, these testimonies are inevitably distorted by the date. Who was invited to speak and when, and which questions were they asked? There are pages here devoted to praise for the silent film director D.W. Griffith and to now discredited claims for the techniques he supposedly invented. There are many female filmmakers included here, though few directors, and nothing from trailblazers such as Dorothy Arzner or Ida Lupino. As the editors put it, the interviewees ‘speak with the attitudes of their own time, but they speak with authority’.
As a historical document, this book has limited value, but as an artefact of Hollywood history, it is priceless. The stories here burst from the page and the chance to read these people speaking about their own craft, about an industry built from orange groves and handcranked cameras that became a multimillion-dollar cultural empire is a privilege. Take Minta Durfee, another long-forgotten name, but a fine silent comedian and, as the wife of unjustly accused star Roscoe ‘Fatty’ Arbuckle, someone who had a ringside seat to one of the biggest celebrity scandals of the century. As she reels off her truth, she emphatically repeats: ‘I’m the girl that knows what I’m talking about.’
Hollywood: The Oral History
Jeanine Basinger and Sam Wasson
Faber 768pp £25
Buy from bookshop.org (affiliate link)
Pamela Hutchinson is a film historian and editor of Silent London. Her book on The Red Shoes will be published as part of the BFI Film Classics series in October 2023.
On the first day of Los Angeles Art Week, when the Frieze and Felix art fairs and their attendant parties descend upon Los Angeles in February, there was an inordinately fancy event at the Getty Villa, hosted by the Getty, Frieze, and the Loewe Foundation. The Getty Villa—which was modeled after a Roman manor buried by the 79 AD eruption at Mount Vesuvius and initially built because J. Paul Getty couldn’t fit his gargantuan art collection all in one spot—is not open at night. So to be there at that time was a rare gift. Many attendees spent their evenings wandering in and out of rooms displaying rare Etruscan artifacts while debating whether Gwyneth Paltrow would show up or not. (She didn’t. Her loss.) Ricky Martin waited in line patiently behind my date and I for Champagne. We ate a lot of macarons and stared at Chance the Rapper greeting Owen Wilson, one of the top most attractive men I have ever seen (it’s the nose). The party was so beautiful, even jaded art world people gasped and stood in line to take pictures of the museum’s glowing reflecting pool, softly lit with moon-like orbs.
Someone once tweeted “LA is not beating the boring charges, I fear,” and I think about this every time I go out in Los Angeles. I think during Frieze, it beats the boring charges. There are lots of irritatingly hot people dressed inappropriately for the weather running around in Wet Paint baseball caps, invited nowhere yet showing up everywhere. The houses are big and sexy and they have swimming pools. There are former first daughters at house parties in the Hollywood Hills, celebrities shopping for art in hideous graffiti sweatshirts (sorry, James Franco—please buy a chiller sweater), lost Honda Civics parked crookedly above the Sunset Strip. Frieze was at the Santa Monica airport, and I looked over a woman’s shoulder to gape at private jets parked behind the shuttles before realizing I was staring directly at both Miss Tina Knowles and Fran Drescher. To see contemporary art at Felix, visitors go to the golden era Hollywood Roosevelt hotel, where it’s rumored that Marilyn Monroe haunts Suite 1200. It was all very glamorous.
Here are some things I overheard while pushing and shoving my way through lines ungracefully (much unlike Ricky Martin. Ricky Martin is amazing).
“He HATES leaving. I love leaving anything.” —A beautiful 1990s Latin pop sensation, pointing at his beautiful husband and asserting his desire to depart the spectacular Getty Villa at the Getty x Frieze x Loewe Foundation party.
“You L.A. girls are so conservative with your alcohol. Live a little!” —A willowy New Yorker at the Jeffrey Deitch x Autre Magazine party, where they served neon blue tequila cocktails and an underappreciated DJ with a nest of Robert Smith hair blasted Soft Cell’s “Sex Dwarf.”
Carter Reum, Heidi Klum and Tom Kaulitz.
Photo by River Callaway/WWD via Getty Images
“Today is a day about expressing love. Some people are expressing love with their lovers, and some of us wonder why we don’t have that. But we do, because we’re connected. And maybe we don’t have that person that we think belongs to us. But tonight, dancing, we all felt so close, right?” —Artist Raúl de Nieves’s toast at the Wet Paint party at Escuela on Valentine’s Day, where columnist Annie Armstrong and Gutes Gutterman announced their picks for the “art world’s most eligible bachelors.” It was a dose of cheer on a tricky day.
“Last year on Valentine’s Day, my ex made me dinner, but I had to pay for the groceries. When I confronted him about it, he told me his mother said to never look a gift horse in the mouth.” —An artist having a much better Valentine’s Day than last year’s at the Wet Paint party.
“Oh, I know my Jewish stuff backwards and forwards. Don’t think I’ve never had apples and honey, honey.” —A masked alternative country singer listing his honorary Member of the Tribe bonafides by the pool at the Clearing x Matthew Brown party in a sharply modern house in Beachwood Canyon.
“I think there were, like, 50 people there, total. At a stadium.” —Artists at the (very fun) Clearing x Matthew Brown party, mocking an ostentatious German artist’s fete at SoFi stadium all the way in Inglewood, where the Rams and Chargers play. In the Uber back to my own car, which I lost, I saw Kendall Jenner’s friend advertising the event to hundreds of thousands of people on Instagram. Evidently, they didn’t want to drive.
Margot Robbie
Photo by River Callaway/WWD via Getty Images
“I saw Jared Leto walking around at Frieze and he was pissed about having his photo taken. You’d think he’d like it.” —An attendee huddled near the cookie bar at the Gaetano Pesce opening at the Future Perfect, housed in Samuel Goldwyn’s 1916 Hollywood mansion.
“I drugged her. That’s my drugging victim. Jocelyn, I’m sorry I drugged you.” —A prominent, guilty art publicist speaking to and about me post-Pesce opening at the Roosevelt pool. While at the event for the Italian design legend, all of a sudden I felt very, very stoned, which is a normal thing to feel in L.A.—except, as far as I knew, I hadn’t consumed anything but half of a can of Liquid Death. I ran around to various friends squawking that I felt so high, and they gaped in disbelief, doubting my sanity. But I, like a woman in a Victorian ghost story, was not crazy—I had accidentally been given a cigarette with some kind of weed thing in it, not tasted it, and smoked the entire thing. The mystery really spiced up my evening.
“For every skater there were, like, three artists. And that’s how a party should be.” —Guests at the Lomex cabana gallery at Felix, discussing the previous night’s Gagosian Party at the Chateau Marmont. The Chateau has been half-open for a while, and I wish it was just regular open again. The last time I went there, Paris Hilton complimented my best friend’s 1950s corset and then was aghast that she had bought it at a vintage store.
Owen Wilson
Photo by River Callaway/WWD via Getty Images
“So it’s like Fashion Week for art?” —A woman at Felix with a simple yet accurate description of how the fairs work.
“Before Trump was elected, I was seated next to him at Cirque du Soleil. I had gotten some popcorn, and he really wanted this popcorn. He kept talking about how good it looked and would not stop commenting on it. At intermission, he went and got himself some popcorn and then he sat down and started eating it while rubbing Melania’s leg.” —An artist regaling her gallerist with a story about our 45th president.
“Now this is the experience of being an American whore.” —An artist quoting Lana del Rey after hearing another artist complain about bitchy collectors at the Lisson Gallery x Chateau Shatto party at Yamashiro, which has a glittering view of Los Angeles and a very long line for valet.
“Oui oui oui. Hon hon hon. Zut alors! Sacre bleu!” —French people, everywhere.
The latest rumours and gossip from Friday's back pages, including a boost for Premier League leaders Arsenal.
Bukayo Saka has told Arsenal he wants to stay in a huge boost to the Gunners, with the Premier League leaders closing in on securing their brilliant forward to a new contract worth a minimum £10m a year (Daily Mail).
Staying in London, where Chelsea attacking duo Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang and Christian Pulisic are targeting a way out of Stamford Bridge this summer (Daily Express).
Blues star Mykhailo Mudryk is 'not in a good mood' at the club according to Shakhtar Donetsk director of football Darijo Srna as the 40-year-old joked he would buy the player back (Daily Express).
Mudryk was one of a number of new additions at Chelsea this season, and their stars have reportedly been left unconvinced by the new haul of transfers (The Sun).
Chelsea have been linked with Josko Gvardiol, and his Premier League suitors have been warned RB Leipzig will not give up the £100m-rated defender without a fight this summer (Daily Telegraph).
Tottenham are reportedly keen to sign Lecce star Morten Hjulmand at the end of the season, with the midfielder attracting plenty of interest due to his good form in the Serie A (Daily Express).
Napoli defender Kim Min-jae has emerged as a Manchester United target once more, a few short years after Jose Mourinho turned down the chance to sign the centre-back (Daily Mirror).
Further outgoing funds expected, as England's "big six" clubs face paying millions of pounds each year to fund the new independent regulator for football under plans announced by the government (The Times).
That new independent regulator will have up to 200 staff members (Daily Mirror).
Phil Neville has admitted that Inter Miami are interested in Lionel Messi and Sergio Busquets (The Times).
Liverpool's Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, who is out of contract in the summer, has reportedly been thrown a transfer lifeline by Fenerbahce (The Sun).
Newcastle's players will share bonuses of £1m if they win the club's first trophy in 48 years in the Carabao Cup final against Manchester United on Sunday (Daily Mail).
And finally, Crystal Palace are among a number of English Premier League clubs who are keen on Rangers youngster Calum Adamson (Daily Record).
The Earl and Countess of Wessex are on an official royal visit to the Cayman Islands, the Turks and Caicos Islands and the Bahamas. (AP via Alamy)
Omid Scobie Royal Executive Editor
You probably don't know this, but for the past four days Prince Edward and Sophie, the Countess of Wessex have been on an action-packed royal tour of the Cayman Islands and Turks and Caicos.
The tropical locale and busy itinerary should have provided royal reporting gold, especially after the couple have been hailed by the British media as the family's "secret weapon" and "central figures" for the future of the monarchy.
But, despite the hype, no one – including said press – appears to be watching. At the time of writing, I can find only a tiny handful (around eight) articles about their visit online – two of them belong to the Cayman Compass and Cayman News Service.
Instead, media outlets have kept the focus on a couple they repeatedly call irrelevant – Harry and Meghan.
Bar a few promotional appearances for the Duke of Sussex's release of Spare, the couple hasn't been seen in public for months. But despite the lack of fresh news from Team Sussex to pore over, it hasn't stopped sections of the press from obsessing over them on a daily basis.
Although King Charles, Prince William and Kate, Princess of Wales have all been busy carrying out engagements, almost the entirety of this week's royal news cycle has centred around fictitious claims and breathless commentary on the Sussexes.
According to one newspaper, it spells "the beginning of the end" for the couple's popularity in the US. "A clear sign their star has fallen,” wrote another, who has clearly never seen South Park before.
Given that other celebrities lampooned by the show include Tom Cruise, Oprah, the Queen (killed in a 2007 episode that quickly got banned in the UK), William and Kate, Hillary Clinton and Jennifer Lopez, I have a feeling they will be just fine.
Meghan, according to The Spectator, was supposedly left "upset and overwhelmed" for several days by the episode. The "California sources" quoted in the article, however, must have been drunk or high, because none of it is actually true.
Claims that the Archewell founders are planning to sue the show's creators, a rumour that first started life on an obscure YouTube channel but somehow ended up on a British broadcast news network, also turned out to be nothing more than fantasy.
"Nonsense," a spokesperson for the duke and duchess told People magazine. "Totally baseless, boring reports."
Watch: Five savage moments from that Meghan and Harry South Park episode
Harry and Meghan have largely stayed out of the public eye since the release of his memoir, Spare. (PA)
Harry and Meghan are currently focused on work helping create safer online spaces for young people and new Netflix projects with their production company.
Despite the couple being out of sight and busy with various philanthropic and commercial endeavours, a cottage industry of fake news and inaccurate gossip about them is thriving in lieu of new information.
Other recent tales about the Sussexes have suggested the couple are:
"Going through tough times" (false – "Couldn't be happier!" said a friend)
That they just hired "showbiz dealmaker" Adam Lilling to help "go all-out" on becoming billionaires (not quite – the entrepreneur's venture advisor company Plus Capital has been working with the pair since moving to the US almost three yearsago and it's "old information and not news", according to an Archewell spokesperson)
Details about Meghan's impending return to Instagram were shared in a lengthy broadsheet essay (wishful thinking – a source says she has no account on the platform at present or on the horizon. "This is all trash," added the rep)
The coronation of King Charles III will be held on 6 May. (PA/Alamy)
On top of this, there's near-daily "exclusives" in almost every paper about the couple's supposed plans for King Charles's coronation in May.
The reality, sources tell me, is that no-one, no matter how well-sourced, knows their plans right now – the couple has yet to be invited and can't make a decision, nor any form of itinerary, until that happens.
At this point, much of the above is typical tabloid fare – news of this nature, even when totally false, still gets the clicks, and revenue, that publishers desperately need.
But it also speaks to a bigger issue that Britain's other oldest institution is currently facing – the lives and work of the Royal Family just isn't grabbing the attention of readers and viewers as they once did.
When you realise that the only other royal story this past week to receive even a fraction of the volume of Sussex headlines were articles about the Princess of Wales's Bafta red carpet outfit, it becomes clear that The Firm might just have a public interest crisis on their hands.
As Sophie and Edward fly back to Britain on Friday, the couple and their team might be questioning whether their barely-covered visit was worth it. The palace may not have made coverage easy, by failing to provide sufficient media access to the trip, but that's never stopped the press when hungry for a headline before. And for an overseas trip that came at a cost to the struggling British taxpayer (in security alone), the bigger risk is that soon members of the public will start asking the same.
Prepare to meet Da Baby. Da Brat has revealed she's expecting her first child at age 48. The "Funkdafied" rapper and her wife, Jesseca "Judy" Harris-Dupart, shared the news with People. The two got married last year, and Harris-Dupart told People that when they decided to have kids together, they "had a little tug-o-war in the beginning" about the possibility of Da Brat carrying the child, but "I felt like she should have the experience." Harris-Dupart already has three kids. Considering her age, Da Brat, who previously suffered a miscarriage, noted she "never thought" she would have children and "felt like, because I didn't get pregnant earlier on, then it just wasn't going to happen for me." But "there's a lot of stuff we learned about women over the age of 40," she said. She may not have revealed her baby bump at the Super Bowl like Rihanna, but participating in a "gangster-inspired pregnancy photoshoot" for People is pretty good too.
Chelseamidfielder N'Golo Kante, 31, is set to sign a new contract with the club as the France international closes in on a return from injury.(Telegraph - subscription required)
Aston Villaare prepared to listen to offers for 30-year-old keeper Emiliano Martinez, who helped Argentina win the World Cup last year.(Mail)
Manchester Unitedare not expected to turn 30-year-old Netherlands striker Wout Weghorst's loan move fromBurnleyinto a permanent switch during the summer transfer window.(Football Insider)
Leicester Cityare trying to persuade playmaker James Maddison to sign a new deal, but will look to sell the 26-year-old in the summer if it does not look like he will stay at the club.Manchester City, Newcastle UnitedandTottenhamare interested in the England international.(Football Insider)
Brightonmanager Roberto de Zerbi, 43, is attracting admiring glances from some of the leading clubs in his Italian homeland, while he has also been linked withTottenham.(Telegraph - subscription required)
Crystal Palacewinger Wilfried Zaha, 30, has turned down multiple offers to extend his Eagles contract andAl Nassr,who signed 38-year-old Portugal forward Cristiano Ronaldo, are one of three Saudi Arabian clubs to have sounded out the Ivory Coast international.(Evening Standard)
Al Nassrnutritionist Jose Blesa says all of the players are training harder and following stricter diets since the arrival of Ronaldo.(Ideal, via Mirror)
Arsenalare preparing a bid forAtalanta's 20-year-old Denmark forward Rasmus Hojlund.(La Repubblica - in Italian)
Napoli'sNigeria forward Victor Osimhen, 24, has not ruled out leaving the Italian club this summer and says interest from Europe's big clubs provides extra motivation to play well for himself and his team.(ESPN)
Leeds Unitedare planning to move for 24-year-old Sweden striker Viktor Gyokeres, whose contract withCoventry Cityruns until summer 2024.(Teamtalk)
Russia midfielder Arsen Zakharyan, 19, will not move toGalatasarayfromDynamo Moscow, despite interest from the Turkish side.(Fabrizio Romano)
Arsenal are pushing ahead with a £200,000-a-week deal for Declan Rice, who could be replaced at West Ham by a £25million-rated Manchester United midfielder…
BENITEZ ON STANDBY AS MOYES PREPARES FOR MUST-WIN WEEKEND
We thought it had been a little too quiet around Rafa Benitez amid the current panic at some Premier League clubs scrapping at the foot of the table. There has been little noise to suggest that Southampton or Leeds have even considered the Spaniard, despite their struggles to recruit a new manager. But Benitez could find a way back into employment with West Ham…
The Hammers already have a manager in David Moyes, but The Times says that is likely to change if they lose at home to Nottingham Forest on Saturday.
West Ham find themselves second from bottom and they have already sounded out Mauricio Pochettino and Thomas Tuchel about taking over, with neither interested in the job. But the Daily Mail reckons Benitez is ‘on standby’ to come in should Forest turn over Moyes’s Irons.
ARSENAL LEAD RICE RACE
If Benitez, or anyone else replaces Moyes, then the new manager will have to address the issue of Declan Rice in the summer.
Rice has been heavily linked with a big move and at least half the big six is eyeing up the England midfielder. But Football Insider suggests Arsenal are leading the race for the West Ham captain’s signature, with the Gunners in ‘sustained contact’ with Rice’s representatives over a £200,000-a-week contract.
Should West Ham lose Rice, they could turn to Scott McTominay to replace the 24-year-old. Manchester United are said to be open to offers for the Scotland international, with an asking price set in the region of £25million, which hardly seems unreasonable.
TUCHEL IN, MESSI OUT AT PSG
Tuchel has turned down West Ham, perhaps with one eye on a return to PSG…
The Evening Standard claims the Parisians have grown tired of Christophe Galtier – after all, they lead Ligue 1 by only five points – and they plan to offer Tuchel a return to the job he was fired from in December 2020.
Should Tuchel return, he will almost certainly be reunited with Neymar who, apparently, has no intention of leaving PSG before the end of his contract in 2027, despite reports the club want rid of the Brazilian. L’Equipe says Lionel Messi is rather less keen to stick around. After the World Cup, the Argentina star was minded to extend his deal beyond the end of this season but his stance has changed and he is now more likely to move on in the summer.
The latest rumours and gossip from Monday's back pages, including Josko Gvardiol's desire to play in the Premier League.
RB Leizpig defender Josko Gvardiol has revealed he would love to play in the Premier League in an interview that will undoubtedly perk up interest from England's leading clubs (The Times).
Bidders for Manchester United will be told the Glazers have no intention of selling for less than their £6bn asking price (The Sun).
There has been no Saudi-backed move for Manchester United, in a major boost for the chances of the Qatari bid for the club (Daily Mail).
Arsenal and Tottenham are rivals for Montpellier's young striker Elye Wahi, according to reports in France. The 20-year-old has eight Ligue 1 goals in 21 games this season and has also caught the attention of Borussia Dortmund (The Sun).
Leicester boss Brendan Rodgers blasted the 'incredible' decision that saw Marcel Sabitzer avoid a red card in the first half of their defeat at Manchester United on Sunday (Daily Mail).
Southampton's interim manager Ruben Selles joked the squad would have to buy him a new suit if Saints won at Chelsea and match-winner James Ward-Prowse says that is exactly what will happen this week (The Sun).
Barcelona and Atletico Madrid are ready to make offers to impending Juventus free agent Angel Di Maria if the Serie A club is unable to tempt him into one final season with the club before returning to Argentina to finish his career with Rosario Central (The Sun).
QPR are plotting a swift appointment having sacked manager Neil Critchley amid fears they were sleepwalking towards relegation to League One (Evening Standard).
Dundee United have accepted a "six-figure" offer from Premier League side Fulham for their teenage striker Rory McLeod with the deal potentially including a loan-back clause for 2023/24 (Daily Record).
Manchester United are apparently willing to sell £120million worth of players to West Ham this summer. Enjoy this, and more juicy gossip.
WEST HAM’S UNITED RAID
Let’s get straight into it, why don’t we? Anthony Martial, Harry Maguire, Donny van de Beek and Scott McTominay. That is who the Hammers want to sign, with the Red Devils ‘prepared’ to let them all leave, according to CaughtOffside.
Transfer expert Ben Jacobs has said “outgoings are going to be very important” for United this summer as Erik ten Hag looks to sign some new players. McTominay “could depart”, though Ten Hag was reluctant to let the Scotland international leave in January. Despite this, he will be “available on the market”. Another club to watch here? Newcastle United, apparently.
Van de Beek is also likely to leave, though he is out injured until next season, so who knows what will happen with him. I don’t know, and neither does Mr. Jacobs.
West Ham have always “liked” Martial, while a move back to AS Monaco can’t be ruled out. “Everyone” at Old Trafford “likes” the Frenchman, but the club may be forced to cut ties due to his ongoing fitness problems.
Finally, club captain Maguire has been heavily linked with an exit since last summer as Ten Hag continues to prefer Lisandro Martinez, Raphael Varane and Luke Shaw. A departure is “hard on Maguire”, Jacobs says, but it would create some much-needed space in the squad.
DE GEA SUCCESSOR SELECTED
Sticking with United, they are feeling frisky and want to sign a Leeds player. Dangerous business, that.
According to The Sun, Ten Hag wants Ilian Meslier to succeed David de Gea as the club’s first-choice goalkeeper. United’s top priority is to extend De Gea’s contract, however, though the report states that Meslier is who they want to come in as the Spaniard’s ‘long-term replacement’.
Dean Henderson is ‘set to be sold’ as Ten Hag clearly does not want him to take on the No. 1 shirt.
There are some ‘complications’ in United’s pursuit of Meslier, however. They are apparently willing to wait to sign him when said No. 1 shirt is there for the taking, so he is not sat on the bench for a season or two as De Gea keeps his place. Leeds’ relegation could throw a spanner in the works. Should they go down, Meslier will probably be snapped up by another team, unless the Red Devils move more quickly.
SPURS WANT RUDIGER
Any Tottenham transfer news should probably be taken with a pinch of salt given head coach Antonio Conte’s uncertain future. Saying that, there is a pretty intriguing story coming from Spain.
Speaking of taking things with a pinch of salt, Fichajes reckon Spurs want to sign former Chelsea defender Antonio Rudiger. The German left the Blues last summer to join Real Madrid on a free transfer. Unfortunately for the German, the jury is still out in the Spanish capital, the report states.
Daniel Levy wants to ‘ensure the continuity of Conte’ and ‘win the Premier League’, and the signing of Rudiger could set them on their way. Defensive reinforcements are essential and ‘interest in Rudiger has been confirmed’.
An early Los Blancos departure could be on the cards as RB Leipzig’s Josko Gvardiol tickles the fancy of the European champions.
As someone who thrives in a back five, Rudiger would fit Spurs ‘perfectly’, though the north Londoners know he will not cost ‘little money’. The German international does not want to be a part of a rotational defence, and he would be the main man at Spurs, you’d think.
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