We’re living in a post-pandemic world and a lot doesn’t make sense anymore, but you can’t change the past so … let’s make sense of it.
Miscommunication. Occurs. Often. Hits and misses despite best intentions. Because life happens, and it keeps moving, time is constant and living never stops. Timing matters. Emotions come and go. Ride that wave. Know your boundaries and own your actions.
I’ve noticed people in Aspen enjoy gossip and trash talking. Bullying is a thing, even among the kids. All because we dodge tough conversations and assume the worst. Defamation and bullying do not breed positive results. It’s impactful. Nothing is unfixable besides death and suicide.
I value direct communication, “I” statements and a “we’re all in this together” mentality. I value “I feel hurt by what you said.” I value “Let’s talk about it; that’s not what I meant.” I had never been bullied until I moved to Aspen. When I confronted her, she knew exactly what I was referring to and apologized. People come into your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime. After my recent commentary about the Aspen-Pitkin County Housing Authority, I had cyber-bullies claiming, “I know this girl.” That’s conjecture based on inaccurate assumptions about me; and also, untrue. I responded, “I have never met you.” Haters are gonna hate, and I grew a thicker skin because of them. Thank you.
If y’all haven’t watched Key & Peele’s “Text Message Confusion,” please do. It exaggerates how tone is lost when sending texts via our endless list of written communication platforms, as opposed to having a conversation in person or over the phone, or through Zoom, FaceTime, meetings, etc. Were we like this before COVID, afraid to pick up the phone or answer it? How many times have texts been misinterpreted by the recipient, because literally your voice was silenced and the recipient assumed the tone? When that happens, how do you handle it?
At Columbia School of Social Work I learned that every relationship is unique to the two people in it. My relationship with my dad is unique to us in the same way his relationship with my brother is unique to them. We can discuss the nuances but please, assume positive intent.
Gossip is legal hearsay. Strike it from the record. All this “he said, she said” crap — stop it. Have conversations with the topic of conversation included, not excluded from the conversation. If a person can say he has racist tendencies, then please entertain the idea that you also do. It’s embedded in us all and we need to process it. Despite best intentions, we have been conditioned to be judgmental and racist, sexist and classist. Accept it, step into it, examine it. Please. Do it for the kids.
I heard a ghost story about the Hotel Jerome: It’s haunted by a former maid. She was really nice, “beautiful inside and out.” The other maids disliked her. They felt jealous or intimidated or something. They lacked the ability to look inward as to why they felt that way toward her. In “The Language of Emotions,” by Karla McLaren, jealousy is defined as arising “in response to challenges that may destabilize your connection to love, mate-retention or loyalty. The question to turn inward and ask is, ‘What kinds of intimacy do I desire and want to offer? What betrayals must be recognized and healed?’” Anyway, the maids wanted her gone. Mob mentality. They told her, on a cold, wintry night, that her kitten had wandered onto the frozen Hallam Lake. She went to find her kitten, fell through the ice and soon after died. The maids got their way, but she may still be a presence at the Jerome: Sometimes a maid enters a room to tidy up, only to discover the task already completed. Nicest ghost ever.
I don’t follow anyone who causes me to feel jealous. It’s not the vibe I'm going for; it’s not how I want to feel or exist in my life.
You have to believe in yourself, even when the majority of people around you don’t. You have to make choices that truly serve you, and in order to do so you have to know your values and where you want your life to go. Many of us have unprocessed trauma, lack kind communication skills and follow blindly.
Emotions are confusing if you push them away, ignore their purpose or blame others for them. Own your emotions: It is imperative to process them without becoming overwhelmed or triggered to a point of no return. Mental health is everything. Honest communication is part of that.
I hope you have tough conversations. I hope you do the inner work too. Do it for future generations. Make the world a better place.
"gossip" - Google News
September 17, 2023 at 05:00PM
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Mcculloch: Gossip has replaced honest communication - Aspen Daily News
"gossip" - Google News
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