Ask Amy: Extended family’s thirst for gossip clouds what should be a happy event - OregonLive

Dear Amy: I am writing to ask for your advice on my upcoming bridal shower.

I have a difficult relationship with my parents and sibling and I have worked to set boundaries in the past few years that have made me happier in general.

I no longer choose to feel personally responsible for their happiness or success, because they make their own choices and resist help.

My concern lies with my aunts and uncles.

During family events, they each pull me aside individually and expect details and personal conversations regarding my parents and sibling.

They make me feel personally responsible for these problems and the result is that I feel terrible for months.

What is a polite way to handle their questions on what is supposed to be a happy day for me?

I’m tired of my entire family life revolving around my immediate family’s drama.

– Dreading the Inevitable in Ohio

Dear Dreading: Landmark events (such as weddings and their attendant celebrations) can be nerve-wracking, especially in families like yours.

Your aunts and uncles, who presumably love and care about you, might not see you (or your parents) often, or privately.

Assuming even the kindest motives, they are using family gatherings to dig for intel about your folks.

One way to politely shut down an inappropriate line of questioning or conversation would be to look the person in the eye, perhaps touch their arm, and say, “Let’s not do this right now. Thank you for coming to my shower. I want everybody to have a good time today.”

You say that they make you feel responsible for family problems, but how you interpret these inquiries and conversations is up to you.

You’ve done a good job at setting boundaries with your challenging immediate family. You could do some work on your own (or with a therapist’s help) to discern why piercing this veil causes you to feel responsible – and terrible – over family drama you have no role in perpetuating.

You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.

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Saturday's gossip: Osimhen, Chiesa, Abraham, Fred, Locatelli, Leaburn - BBC.com

Liverpool and Chelsea are on alert amid reports contract talks between Napoli and Nigeria striker Victor Osimhen, 24, have stalled. (Mirror)

Roma striker Tammy Abraham, 26, will be keen on a return to the Premier League if manager Jose Mourinho leaves the Italian club at the end of the season, with Chelsea, Aston Villa and Brentford already alerted to the England international's stance. (Teamtalk)

Newcastle and Tottenham are both monitoring Italy forward Enrico Chiesa and could tempt Juventus to sell the 26-year-old Italy international, who is out of contract in 2025, with a 60m euros (£52m) bid next summer. (Calciomercato - in Italian)

Chelsea and Brentford are keeping tabs on Charlton'sEnglish striker Miles Leaburn, 19, who has scored six goals in 10 games this season for the League One side. (Daily Mail)

Newcastle have added former Manchester United midfielder Fred, the 30-year-old Brazilian who now plays for Turkish side Fenerbahce, to their list of potential short-term replacements for Italy international Sandro Tonali who has been handed a 10-month ban for betting offences. (Fotomac - in Turkish)

West Ham are ready to offer 40m euros (£35m) for Juventus and Italy midfielder Manuel Locatelli, 25. (Tutto Juve)

Feyenoord will demand a fee of around 100m euros (£87m) for 22-year-old Mexico striker Santiago Gimenez, who has been linked with Real Madrid, Tottenham, Arsenal and Chelsea. (90min)

Arsenal have entered the race for NK Kustosija's 16-year-old striker Dino Klapija. Manchester United, Chelsea, RB Leipzig and Borussia Dortmund have also shown an interest in the teenager, who has represented Croatia and United States at youth level. (Daily Mail)

Brentford are considering a January bid for Celtic's22-year-old England-born Denmark Under-21 midfielder Matt O'Riley. (Teamtalk)

Arsenal are unlikely to make a January move for Aston Villa midfielder Douglas Luiz and will instead wait until the summer to bid for the 25-year-old Brazil international. (Football Insider)

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Confessions of men/women who became Victims of office gossip - IndiaTimes

I made the grave mistake of venting about my dissatisfaction with our company's policies during a casual lunch with a co-worker. I never intended my comments to be taken as an attack on our organization, but soon, they were being used as ammunition by others who wanted to criticize our workplace. I found myself labeled as a troublemaker, and it was a shock to see how quickly my words were weaponized. I learned the hard way that what you say in frustration can be turned against you when office gossip takes hold.

Read also: NO, you are NOT ALONE: All married couples face these 5 common issues

Rad also: Astrologer approved zodiac-inspired Karva Chauth gifting ideas for couples

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RUMORS, GOSSIP & UNFOUNDED TRUTHS: ELSINORE IS BACK, CASELLI RIDE DAY, WORLD VET & THE BULLET - Motocross Action Magazine

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Scottish Gossip: McTominay, Fraser, Van Dijk, Novo, Lunin, Cotcher, Wright, Celtic, Rangers - BBC.com

Manchester United and Scotland midfielder Scott McTominay is among players on Newcastle United's radar as they look to find a January replacement for Tonali, who is facing a 10-month suspension for breaking betting rules. (The Athletic)

Scotland winger Ryan Fraser, who scored a stoppage-time winner for Southampton against Hull City on Saturday, hopes to turn his loan from Newcastle United into a permanent transfer. (Football Scotland)

Andriy Lunin, who is being tracked by Celtic, is angry that Real Madrid are looking to turn Kepa's loan from Chelsea into a permanent transfer and there are no signs that the Ukraine goalkeeper will want to renew his contract next summer. (Relevo)

Up to eight players could leave Celtic during the January transfer window after manager Brendan Rodgers suggested the Scottish champions have too many senior players on their books. (The Scotsman)

Rangers are among a number of clubs, including Arsenal and Brighton & Hove Albion, keeping an eye on 17-year-old Sunderland striker Mason Cotcher. (Sunderland Echo)

New Rangers manager Philippe Clement is hoping to bring players to Ibrox in January who have played for him previously, but funds are tight following the summer spending led by now-departed boss Michael Beale. (Football Insider)

Rangers are poised to complete their long-running search for a new director of football in the next couple of weeks and Philippe Clement is also keen to appoint a head of performance, with the new manager wanting to improve fitness levels and reduce the squad's injury record. (TeamTalk)

St Johnstone winger Drey Wright will need an exploratory knee operation. (The Courier)

New Liverpool captain Virgil van Dijk took inspiration from his time with Celtic when introducing a pre-kick-off huddle with his team-mates. (TalkSport)

Former Rangers forward Nacho Novo has surprisingly left Lexington Sporting Club only a month after being appointed manager of the USL League One side. (Scottish Sun)

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Scottish Gossip: McTominay, Fraser, Van Dijk, Novo, Lunin, Cotcher, Wright, Celtic, Rangers - bbc.co.uk

Manchester United and Scotland midfielder Scott McTominay is among players on Newcastle United's radar as they look to find a January replacement for Tonali, who is facing a 10-month suspension for breaking betting rules. (The Athletic)

Scotland winger Ryan Fraser, who scored a stoppage-time winner for Southampton against Hull City on Saturday, hopes to turn his loan from Newcastle United into a permanent transfer. (Football Scotland)

Andriy Lunin, who is being tracked by Celtic, is angry that Real Madrid are looking to turn Kepa's loan from Chelsea into a permanent transfer and there are no signs that the Ukraine goalkeeper will want to renew his contract next summer. (Relevo)

Up to eight players could leave Celtic during the January transfer window after manager Brendan Rodgers suggested the Scottish champions have too many senior players on their books. (The Scotsman)

Rangers are among a number of clubs, including Arsenal and Brighton & Hove Albion, keeping an eye on 17-year-old Sunderland striker Mason Cotcher. (Sunderland Echo)

New Rangers manager Philippe Clement is hoping to bring players to Ibrox in January who have played for him previously, but funds are tight following the summer spending led by now-departed boss Michael Beale. (Football Insider)

Rangers are poised to complete their long-running search for a new director of football in the next couple of weeks and Philippe Clement is also keen to appoint a head of performance, with the new manager wanting to improve fitness levels and reduce the squad's injury record. (TeamTalk)

St Johnstone winger Drey Wright will need an exploratory knee operation. (The Courier)

New Liverpool captain Virgil van Dijk took inspiration from his time with Celtic when introducing a pre-kick-off huddle with his team-mates. (TalkSport)

Former Rangers forward Nacho Novo has surprisingly left Lexington Sporting Club only a month after being appointed manager of the USL League One side. (Scottish Sun)

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Monday's gossip: Andre, Musiala, Messi, Osimhen, Davies, De Bruyne - BBC.com

Arsenal are looking to make a move for Fluminense's 22-year-old Brazilian midfielder Andre in the January transfer window. (Fichajes - in Spanish)

Manchester City are exploring a potential deal for Bayern Munich and Germany attacking midfielder Jamal Musiala, with Liverpool also long-time admirers of the 20-year-old. (Football Insider)

Inter Miami's Argentine forward Lionel Messi, 36, is not considering any loan deal from now until the new MLS season starts in February despite his links to Barcelona. (Fabrizio Romano)

Chelsea are continuing to keep a watching brief on Nigerian forward Victor Osimhen's ongoing status at Napoli, despite rumours of a move to Liverpool being agreed for the 24-year-old. (TeamTalk)

Signing a central midfielder is a top priority for Newcastle manager Eddie Howe in January with Italy international Sandro Tonali, 23, part of an investigation into illegal betting. (Football Insider)

Liverpool have been scouting Sporting Lisbon defender Goncalo Inacio, 22, as they look to beat Manchester United to a deal for the Portugal international. (Mirror)

Arsenal are hoping to sell Ghana midfielder Thomas Partey, 30, and Italy international Jorginho, 31, as they attempt to bring in Fluminense's 22-year-old Brazil international Andre. (Football Insider)

Bayern Munich and Canada left back Alphonso Davies will cost Real Madrid at least £40m if the La Liga side want to sign the 22-year-old. (Bild)

Luton will have to pay at least £5.5m for 19-year-old Ecuadorian midfielder Oscar Zambrano with his club LDU Quito holding out for the best offer. (Sun)

Rangers would want offers of at least £5m to sell their English goalkeeper Jack Butland, 30. (TeamTalk)

Former Spurs defender Cameron Carter-Vickers, 25, is in no rush to head back to the Premier League, with the American, who is currently at Celtic, continuing to generate transfer talk. (Goal)

Belgian midfielder Kevin de Bruyne, 31, may not be offered a contract renewal at Manchester City if his injury record worsens. (Football Insider)

Brazilian side Fluminense are preparing a move for Chelsea defender Thiago Silva amid speculation the 39-year-old Brazilian will leave Stamford Bridge at the end of this season. (Fichajes - in Spanish)

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